From the time I was five years old, I can remember trusting in the finished work of Christ's shed blood on the Cross and His Resurrection over sin and death. I had a sense a presence and knew I was never alone since early childhood. I trusted in that still small voice of the Holy Spirit to guide me. Sometimes I just chose to ignore it.
One of those instances where I chose to debate that voice was in April of 1983, around Easter. I was 19 years old. I was with my "friend", Roy, staying with him for the weekend. Roy considered himself bisexual. We would often go out dancing to alternative clubs. I had a history of sexual abuse, abandonment and rejection. Like many children, I sexually experimented with other girls as a young girl, but my desire to be with females grew stronger. I was sexually attracted to men but also found I was becoming more emotionally and sexually drawn to women. Perhaps it was my emotional closeness I had for Roy that made me consider having sex with him that day. I would never have done that in any other circumstance. I was also going through great inner conflict at the time. Whatever the reasons, we decided to have sex that weekend. I did it mostly out of "Love".
As I lay there about to let him penetrate, an inner voice said, "Don't sleep with him! He is diseased." I thought silently, debating with this voice, "What disease could he have? If it's gonorrhoea or something, there is a cure." "No, its not that!" The Holy Spirit was very firm in warning me in my ignorance. Still, in my stubbornness and foolishness, I argued, "I loved him and Love conquered all. And you love me. Its too late for me to tell him No. If I get it, you will heal me!"
As soon as we finished, I ran to the bathroom to douche with water. I always did that after I had s ...